#13

Things you must never think:
"Surely he's done peeing"

#12

It's not a baby, it's a BJ detector.

#11

Don't like my kid? fine. But you realize it's either me or the Duggars, and they sure ain't backing down.

#10

the "runaway bunny" is the stalker song of children's literature.

#9

The ninja parent can tell the difference between gas and poop by ear alone.

#8

If we really want to support parents in a community-based way, we must start by bringing them caffeine.

#7

Put the baby on his belly when you stash him in the crib while you futilely search for another diaper. That way, when he pees all over his own bed, at least you'll have gotten some important developmental time in. And the pee didn't go all over the room.

#6

If I'm going to be a couch all day, the baby's going to have to be a coffee table.

#5

Pack & Play: the folding babysitter.

#4

Spending the night crammed in the couch cushions makes burp rags entirely clean again.

#3

Wet babies are slippery. It is also ideal to keep their heads above water when bathing them.

#2

There's nothing wrong with taking a baby to a bonfire. Just don't spill beer on him.

#1

when the cats step on the baby, make an attempt to discourage it.